Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
