He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
