At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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