dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
