I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
