I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
