btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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