Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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