I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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