I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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