Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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