i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
