Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm determined to sit on that face.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
