what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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