Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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