I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
