i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
