I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
