Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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