It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
