look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
