My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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