so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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