the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
