Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
