Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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