I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
