you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
