please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
