the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
