Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
