He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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