Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
