I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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