butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
