Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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