If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
