Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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