I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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