I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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