I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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