You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
