you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
