I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
