whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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