sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
