She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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