I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
