Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
