3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
